The first in a long time.

So I'm posting two days in a row. I've been really slacking... as though anyone reads it anyway. I really wish people would write more. Yes, it's not the 'fad' it once was, but it's useful to keep up with people. I feel so disconnected from everyone back home. I wonder what it will be like when I get back.

My year in Freiburg developed quickly into something absolutely wonderful and then ended about as quickly. Almost everyone is gone, including Nidhal. And that was really a big blow, because we had been spending hours together everyday and then suddenly at 9:57am on Tuesday he was gone. The time in Freiburg that I so fondly remember is gone. All that is left is the empty shell of the city. The filling, what made the experience so sweet, were the people, the friends. And now they are gone.

I have about 10 days left in Germany and I don't know what will be waiting for me when I get back. My friends will already be back on their respective college campuses. My parents will be there and my cats and my old bed and my comfortable chair in front of the TV. It will be summer and the smell of freshly mowed lawns will be in the air. Will I make it to the beach? Alone? What will my college campus be like, feel like after a year away? What friendships will remain there?

It's kind of like the feeling after graduating from high school. Except different. I can't go back to this year in Freiburg. And if I could stay in Freiburg, it would still be totally different because the familiar people are gone like my class was gone after high school. But after high school, there was only the unknown ahead. A bit frightening, but also exciting. This time it's different. I'm going back, back further than my year in Freiburg. I'm going back to my university and it seems like it will be as foreign as if I were now going back to high school. I'm going back to something familiar and I'm afraid that I won't recognize it.

It will be nice to see my family, but I know already that the ever-present stress-factor will be there, namely money and finances. One absolutely wonderful thing about my year in Freiburg was that I did not have to worry about money. I could travel to Egypt and pay for Nidhal's ticket too and it was completely ok. But as the year is winding down, I'm beginning to feel it again. My mother emailed me and mentioned that she hoped that I had money leftover. Well, I don't, or at least not a lot. All I ever hear from my parents is either about money or sickness. "The health insurance went up again. The car insurance is due this month and we don't know if we have the money. Soandso has the flu/a broken arm/cancer/died." I've been worring about my parents' finances my whole life. Seriously. One time in elementary school (I was fairly young), I wanted to get my parents food for Christmas so they wouldn't have to worry about that expense for a while. My sister vetoed the idea though.

It's been over seven months since I've been home. Sigh.